hello to anyone who still reads this piece of living dead blog , lol

i know for a fact maggot does . haha

anw , i just felt like writing something up here suddenly .
ive lost my touch anw . dont know what to say .
i guess ill just write wtv comes to mind .

today was a horribly disgusting day .
i feel like im recovering from a hangover now .
my throat feels all dry and erm thraoty -.-
LOLs.
i wiped out most of the staple foods in my house like th bread , biscuits , ceceal , milk , cheese , chocolates and etc .
i think im really depressed . i know im really depressed .
i woke up at 6 , stared at th blank tv screen . (i'd fallen asleep on th couch last night again )
then i went to my bed and slept like a baby until 2 then felt horrible and went to raid the kitchen . i ate a hell lot . goodness .
kept thinking about th PTC tmrw and th meeting w the principal .
extremely stressed .
i think i actually outdid myself on this eating cum kitchen / fridge / raid cum chocolate syrup guzzling ETC ETC ETC ETC .
i was a total bull on rampage . of a monster really , just eating everything in sight .

and you know whats th worst part , after eating all that junk which is suppose to comfort you , i feel worse and felt like vomitting and in the end i just went to sleep , locking my room door and shutting the curtains and windows and slept until 5 when sherlyn woke me with a call .
ive got pig blood in me . i am willing to believe that . OINK . haha

talked to her for a while and then got all bored and told her i wanna sleep somemore which is a very wrong move and then the next thing i knew , it was 7 in the evening .
dragged my overworked stomach and fat self to the kitchen and , yeah you guessed it , ate some more and more and more and more .

and got all angry cos there was no ice cream .
i disgust myself .


wanted to go down to book th bbq pits for next week but couldnt bring myself to go down for fear of people looking at me and seeing how fat id become.

i swear i didnt even look at th mirror th whole day . id look into th basin everytime i washed my hands or face .

and now im really pisseedthat i put on all this extra weight cos i really ate ALOT .
but i dont even dare to go to the gym .

im screwed .
i dont want to hear what mr tan has to say about my revolting grades .
i dont need to go to the PTC to see ms tay and her face with that little scowl and sometimes a small amused smile and her going ," so you tell us how you want to go on like this ?" and my mum's very black face and my dad's expressionless one and just calmly going ok at everything when i know inside he might be burning w shame that people should know he has such a daughter like me . HO HUM .

and maggot ever told me mr tan could get into a towering rage and fling your report book at you .
if he does that to me ?
and im sure he will bring up th fact that i appealed into this school,
and say loads of stuff and send me on a guilt trip .
i know ill just try to stop the tears from coming like maggot said . ill just fumble with my fat fingers and try to think of that EEEEE ORRRRRR woman at ntuc that day .
thats a happy thought .
she should be funny enough to cheer me up .
and he'll probably tell th tale of the sandcastle/ castle and how i should aspire to be like a castle . moving dreams riding waves or sailing seas or whatever it was really .
goodness .
i hope he doesnt give me any of that .

anw whatever comes tmrw , maggot and i have decided to try and meet up after that to talk about wtv went on and to eat ice cream to our sad souls' content .



P.S. whoever you may be , tagging on my blog at that time telling me on my tagboard im a failure cos ive failed almost everything in my life . well i am pissed at you but i can't help realising how true you are , and thats what eats me . people really can tell huh . i sit and think very hard and cant think of anything that ive really achieved in my life up until now . i am a dreamer , with a drive and ambitious but i have a weak mind , and people put me down so iguess ill go no further everytime i start on something .
but anw , for you , jerk to tell me something so sensitive (cos its true ) in my face like that , makes me think that whoever th hell you may be , you are very insecure so you have to put me down like that to make yourself feel better .
so there .


this is a very ugly and depressing post .
i think im gonna go wash up and talk to sherlyn now .
at least the both of us can try and comfrot each other before our harrowing ordeal tmrw .
lol , ok i may a little overdramatic but i am very worried so yeah .


ok bye bye for now. i will try to blog more often now that its th hols .
try to revive this blog.

SERENA, RIOTOUS 14 (?) !
8 september 1994
KUKUTRIBIAN;SO JUBILANTE !
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