im having th hiccups and im not having th time of my life .
put those two together you get yourself a nice hardened solidified fossilised petierfied pot of oatmeal.
get it ?
i dont . no i do not getit . in fact it sounds kinda like fogged up bullshitsits to me .
but when youre funny upset , you'll be excused ( so pardon me , l-o-l) .
im kinda in a strange mood which even i dont know how to handle myself.
but im hoping i'll live
put all th trash talk aside ,
my life th past few days ,
well , i'd say ive been in delirious states , w a double big D .
ive been thinking alot and sorting out my mind , but it gets confusing at times
and you end up getting tangled up in all th wrong spots and feel like theres no way out .
haha , here's one word to make yall understand tt better ,
i , I . screwed up bigtime .
w myself . what a saddo. rofl laughlaughlaugh. HAHA.
i did have several weird talks with myself .
and hey-soos. thats spania , spanish for jesus , jesu.
don't tell me .
ive had plenty mindbattles too . so raging , so firing in that thick skull of mine ,
which really wasn't th empty vessel i thought it to be .
and guess what, i even talked to my , mum .
she's no chica but she'll do .
thats kinda unusual for me . something so out-of-theeeeis-world.
i told her my story and yeah she did go off th topic several times , but you know what ,
something just grabbed me then and there after she left and i felt so numb .
its like i'd forgotten how hysterical i actually was when she first found me in my room .
maybe its the mum-to-child calming , effect ?
now i know alls not lost .
anyway , all i was really trying to say was that , its like i'd forgotten how to be sad .
for just that moment .
ive been enlightened , hardeeharhar.
and that night ,
i slept like a log , at rest after passing fitful sleeps .
only that i was told that my crying and laughing in my sleep kept some awake .
so maybe it was some troubled sleep afterall.
i'm not trying to act emo or anything , cos this is not emo .
no . dont stereotype me just yet .
this is , a stage i go through at this point of time because well my life has turned out this way .
with fate , brings , my emotions and feelings and a mental test as to how i'll approach people , certain people now , and if , i am able to do it ''au naturale'' wthout affecting others and still be able to not lose myself in all this , erm i call it mind ''hulabalu?'' lol
anw , all this doesnt really make sense to others but it does to me some how and i wrote it out here so that one day i could come back to read it .
cos i'm saying , this is a rare experince of feelings and emotions i am going through right now and i dont want to forget how it feels though i'd say i wont wanna ever experience it again cos it hurts too . i just wanna be reminded .
and tell me something , if you do have the answer .
does it occur to you if youre like me too , why is it that sometimes certain people just get it all , or why is it that the harder you want something so bad , th more difficult it seems to be able to get hold of it ? or why is it that you still want to believe in something even when you know , its not happening . maybe cos you still have hope and faith .
but then tell me , is it foolish to have hope and faith in something that seems so out of your reach but might , with a little turn of events seem attainable ?
i dont know how i feel now .
my hearts in pieces ( like messed up ) well both if you get what i mean .
i dont feel sad , angry , happy , jealousy , pride , annoyed , irritated , anxious , love .
love . what is love . someone tell me that pronto because ive found my answer but im thinking i might be wrong afterall .
you know , when for a moment you lose all sense of feelings , it kind of scares you .
and gets me thinking , if my heart is now numb .
and right now , i wish it would remain like th way it is forever .
p.s . whoever reads all this , thinks im a fraud , but i understand . maybe what i said is nonsensical . and sounds like im trying to gain sympathy from others but really im not . if you guys find me a freak for now, i totally understand .
i just hope i'll be back soon .
cos even im getting all weirded out by me . truly .
stop putting your heart on display already . you might feel good , you dont know but its just gonna hurt me more .
i dont want to see it , but i still can't stop myself . because your every move to her is too precious to miss and i for one am not gonna let my emotions get in th way . but please if you only knew how bad it crushes me , stop it .
Labels: twisted